Good food for thought :) When I was growing up, there used to be a popular joke about a child whose parents ask him to 'always tell the truth', and one time some relatives come over and the boy 'truthfully' tells them that his parents didn't like the gift they brought last time. Then the parents are angry with the child for being 'truthful'. These notions (e.g. "harsh truth" or "kadwa sach") come up because we see truth, love, and kindness differently, and often in opposition with other. I really like the line 'Truth is honoured, not betrayed' - really reflects what goes on when we see the big picture.
Yes, exactly. And these patterns continue into adulthood. And it seems like a genuine question in such situations, whether the bitter truth should be shared or feelings spared. That's what got me thinking, in fact.
I realised that what we surmise the other would find 'bitter' in our opinion is not the objective part of our judgement of their shortcomings but rather our subjective rejection of them due to those. We can all be flawed and others may notice our flaws but this need not be bitter. In fact it can be a very welcome experience as long as the cognisance of our shortcomings among our loved ones is taken with kindness, acceptance and generosity. It is only when the cognisance of our flaws becomes cause for feelings of rejection, dismissal or disgust towards us that we find such opinions hurtful or bitter.
So if rejection accompanies our negative judgements, we have cause to dig further as to why that is. Why am I unable to accept someone's shortcomings with generosity? What is keeping me from being kind to them? Do I not want to be kind and helpful? Or is it that I am unable to?
At Ei, we are told to practice this thing called Radical Candour (https://www.radicalcandor.com/), caring personally and challenging directly. This made me think of that.
Good food for thought :) When I was growing up, there used to be a popular joke about a child whose parents ask him to 'always tell the truth', and one time some relatives come over and the boy 'truthfully' tells them that his parents didn't like the gift they brought last time. Then the parents are angry with the child for being 'truthful'. These notions (e.g. "harsh truth" or "kadwa sach") come up because we see truth, love, and kindness differently, and often in opposition with other. I really like the line 'Truth is honoured, not betrayed' - really reflects what goes on when we see the big picture.
Yes, exactly. And these patterns continue into adulthood. And it seems like a genuine question in such situations, whether the bitter truth should be shared or feelings spared. That's what got me thinking, in fact.
I realised that what we surmise the other would find 'bitter' in our opinion is not the objective part of our judgement of their shortcomings but rather our subjective rejection of them due to those. We can all be flawed and others may notice our flaws but this need not be bitter. In fact it can be a very welcome experience as long as the cognisance of our shortcomings among our loved ones is taken with kindness, acceptance and generosity. It is only when the cognisance of our flaws becomes cause for feelings of rejection, dismissal or disgust towards us that we find such opinions hurtful or bitter.
So if rejection accompanies our negative judgements, we have cause to dig further as to why that is. Why am I unable to accept someone's shortcomings with generosity? What is keeping me from being kind to them? Do I not want to be kind and helpful? Or is it that I am unable to?
Very profound Drish :)
At Ei, we are told to practice this thing called Radical Candour (https://www.radicalcandor.com/), caring personally and challenging directly. This made me think of that.
Wow, "guidance that’s kind and clear, specific and sincere" sounds really nice. How was this taught and practiced?